Vanguard Luxury Brands defies its premium positioning with questionable new product launch
Many serious bartenders resent vodka because of its lack of flavour and the large amount of marketing fluff surrounding some brands. For these bartenders, vodka is a necessary evil, kept at hand for those orders of Vodka, Lime & Soda. But even the best bars need vodka. Schitski is the vodka created for bartenders who hate vodka.
“Schitski is designed to just have some fun in the industry. Pretty much everyone I’ve shown it to loves the idea. Although a few did think I was insane,” said James France from Vanguard. “With a name like Schitski, the promotional ideas and word play are almost limitless. Do we create swizzle sticks called Schit stirrers? Do we have Schit drink of the week blackboards made up? Do we have a VIP list for a launch event, called the Schit list? Do we even bother having a launch event or do we just pack up our Schit and go home?”
Flying in the face of small-batch, hand-made, artisanal spirits, Schitski is made in huge uncaring batches, around the same time every morning. (* See below if you’d like to know the truth.) Legend has it that Schitski vodka comes from the bowels of Eastern Europe in the now defunct Eastern European kingdom of Schitberg. Once lorded over by King Schit, sadly this kingdom no longer exists. However his legacy lives on in Schitski vodka.
Mass-produced using the purest effluent from the River Schit, and flush-distilled once (or twice if the first flush is unsuccessful), Schitski vodka brings back pungent memories for the descendants of King Schit (the little Schits) who are fond of saying that their vodka smells like Schit and tastes like Schit.
Look at this (lack of) ratings and awards!
- Double Gold Medal winner at San Francisco World Spirits Competition 2015 and International Spirits Challenge London 2016 are two titles this product will never earn.
- Jim Murray didn’t reply to our request for a comment, so he won’t be rating it 99 points.
- Gary Regan also didn’t reply. So we can’t quote him as saying “this is the best spirit ever made”.
There is a serious side to all of this. Bowel cancer is the second biggest cancer killer in Australia. But it’s not a subject people want to talk about. 90% of bowel cancer is preventable with early detection. Vanguard will donate $1 for every bottle sold to Bowel Cancer Australia.
So Schitski vodka is a joke, but it’s not – at the same time.
We all love the feeling inside after a good Schitski, don’t we?
For more information, email kingschit@schitskivodka.com.au or visit www.schitskivodka.com.au.
Available exclusively from Vanguard Luxury Brands — phone 1300 DRINKS or visit www.vanguardluxurybrands.com.
During Bar Week you can taste Schitski for yourself at the Indie Tasting on Tuesday 22 September at Frankie’s Pizza — click here to book tickets and find out more.