The bartenders guide to surviving the end of the world with Monkey 47

Crazy times call for crazy measures. It has seemed like the world is ending recently, so Alice Newport from Monkey 47 sat down and had  a chat with some of our favourite hospo to see what they’d do if the end of world really came along.

It’s official, the world is ending. Where are you having your last drink before it all goes down?
Dim, Foxtrot Unicorn: As isolation has turned me into an anarchist, I’d find a tall hill overlooking the city and watch the world end whilst pretending I had something to do with it. Either that or a good old pub with Guinness on tap and a TAB for one last bet.
Mikey, Suzie Wongs/Lucky Duck Club: Smashing West Coast Coolers at Suzie Wongs.
Jamie, Alba Bar and Deli: I’d set up at either a Bowls Club or an RSL, cause I’ve spent all money on keeping my bar alive and I’d rather pay genuine 1975 price than go to a fancy bar.
Ross, Swillhouse Group: The world is ending, I’d go for a drink at the end of the world or where it seemed… I came across the Green Cape lighthouse in the Ben Boyd national park on a hike down on the South Coast. They’ve got some bunk rooms there so I’d grab some legends, pile in a car, fill an esky and get weird… It’s the best!

We’re going into lockdown and you have to cook for the crew. What’s on the menu for the last supper?
Anneliese, Hot Tamale: It would have to be tacos, and the Hot Tamale fish, matched with a tequila or two.
Mikey: Re-heating whatever Jack Stacey left in the cold room and washing it down with a Lucky Duck Club Cocktail Tinnie.
Jamie: Probably something really obnoxious. Two whole animals, a pig and a lamb cooked over coals, a buck load of veggies in the ashes, and of course large format red wine while we wait ten hours for all of this to cook.
Nat, Door Knock: My mums sambal recipe and fresh roti! OR we eat a shitload of gaperon cheese and ‘Nduja and other cured meats ‘til we die. To be honest, if the world is ending I don’t think there is anywhere safer from the zombies than Door Knock. You are invited.

You’ve been told to bunker down with your bar team, what survival skill are you bringing to the table?
Ross: Can cook tacos… Can make margaritas… Will engage in fancy dress.
Surekha, The Everleigh: Team shots for starters, making sure we’re all hydrated. I love games so I’d probably be the Entertainment Captain.
Dim: All of my team would agree that I have little to offer.
Mikey: Keeping their beers cold and playing bangers.

Let’s raid your pantry. What’s going into your quarantini?
Dim: A mix of every bottle that is being hidden in my actual pantry. This includes a 1969 Macallan, Glenfiddich 40yo 2004, 1967 Highland Park, 1920’s bottle of gin, and nine different Malibu flavours. As of writing this I am now finding a new safer place to hide some of my booze
Mikey: 50/50 Fino & Guava Cruiser
Nat: Probably anything with tonic water to avoid new world malaria or overproof gin to avoid reality/your quarantined buddies.
Jamie: Definitely some MSG, some pickled onion brine, matched with the tub of gin I’ve got from South Australia.

You’re in isolation, but delivery is still thriving. What are you getting sent to your door step?
Ross: Billecart-Salmon, VB, bottle of Jameson.
Dim: The same thing as most days, dumplings or pizza, and noodles every second Wednesday. Don’t be selfish in these times though, send your friends thoughtful things like you celiac friend a loaf of delicious sourdough or your neighbours that you don’t like a $5 gimp mask off wish. But make sure you don’t have your name on the parcel, the mystery is the best part.
Surehka: CONNIE’S PIZZA! Also, some of those fun juice bags they’ve got at Whisky & Alement. It’s whisky in juice bags — amazing. And Pina Coladas from The Everleigh. Because Pina Coladas.
Nat: DRNKS bottleshop natural wines, Door Knock date night packages, Archie Rose bottled cocktails up the road, Zushi bento boxes and Messina 1l tubs.

What are your top tips for survival?
Dim: Do/Learn as many things as possible but only to a sub-par level, so when this is all over you can sound like a know-it-all on everything without having to master a single thing. Aka a bartender.
Ross: Create a gang, watch mad max for inspiration, mainly bondage gear.
Nat: Huddle in your refrigerator, best place to escape the radiation and still be well watered and fed. An Elliot Pascoe and Toby Hiscox survival tip.
Jamie: If you run out of things to do, you can always bet on computer game simulation.

The world stops ending. We survive. Everything goes back to normal. Which venue are you going to first?
Anneliese: My own, time to set up shop and get ready for a huge tequila party.
Ross: Momofoku for a fish head curry, PS40 to kiss MC, Frankie’s Pizza fun room.
Nat: I would love to get weird at GDR (Redfern Continental’s speakeasy) or get extremely boisterous with fronds at Old Mate’s, Big Poppas or Earl’s. If I was going to eat and drink ‘til close, I would definitely annoy everyone at Regazzi or Dear St Eloise.
Jamie: Alba… or to the first sport match or gig. I just want to get sweaty as a group.

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