So there’s a few weeks until Bar Week is here — and that means there’s just a few weeks until The Idiot Savant Prizes. These awards are taking place during Bar Week and recognise the characters, jokers and raconteurs who don’t just make up the numbers but bring us the colour & music needed to fill our bustling drinking halls with life — so check out the finalists for each award below!
The event takes place from 7pm on Sunday the 22nd of September. To register your interest in attending email: email@example.com. And you can check out more great Bar Week events at barweek.com.au.
The dispense bar award for crap chat.
Boring cocktail dribble, politics & religion or your feelings on tube socks with suits. If you don’t have jokes, stay in dispense!
Best Bar Back.
Juices are fresh and full, fridges are stocked and beers are label out. The floor is clean and little fucker is looking over your shoulder to learn more while furiously polishing glasses or it’s for that lazy fuck whom is to slow to make drinks.
Worst grip of the English Language
Can’t spell, uses words out of context, generally makes no sense even when sober, somewhere in the world people can understand them but it’s not here.
The Jared Plummer Medal for most likeable Brand hag.
That person who even though they are trying to sell you something you don’t need, you’re still stoked to see them waltz though the door.
Better half of the Year.
Some idiot answered Summer for this question in the nominations.
It’s for the best girlfriend. People tolerate only you so they can be friends with her!
Linn Johansson – Miss Tim Phillips
Caitlin Adams – Miss Chris Hysted
Babs Hernandez – Miss Luke Redington
Edi Tout – Miss Mitch Bushell
Charlie Wong – Mr Nat Ng
Worst facial hair or tattoo.
Curled moustache, tribal tattoo from wrist to neck, mullet and fringe combo? You know this would happen eventually right!
Mitch Bushell for his Ned Flanders moustache
Hugh Payten Smith for looking like Jack Sparrow with an eating disorder
Merlin Jerebine for What Would Jerry Thomas Do
Chris Hysted for the holy trifecta
Alen Nikolovski for the knee tickler
The Shit Kicker award aka the Iron NUTS prize!
Takes the most shit on shift but still turns up the next day.
Worst Facebook presence.
Either you constantly post shit that no one cares about or you are simply on there too fucking often. Go make some drinks, no one is paying you to post ‘shit brand ambassadors say’!
Call it sexist if you like but a great set of cans goes a long way when alcohol is involved. It should also be noted that we have a fella in there this year for some wonderful assets of his own.
Alen Nikolovski (Marco Polo!!)
Luke Reddington Prize
This person walks into your bar and you collectively hear all of the staff go, fuck!
This person has made a sport of getting crazy and taking you all down with them!
Andy MF Penney
Best Brand event of Campaign
Sometimes, some people get it right.
Put it in your mouth!
Ketel 1 Fraternity
Stoli on Ice
And every fucking Sailor Jerry event ever.
Least graceful drunk.
They fall over, hit on bar stools, offend anyone in ear shoot and generally need to be tied up to stop them from waking up with booze shame. We love them but hopefully no one will ever win this award 2 years in row.
The Life of the Party.
Hospitality flows in their veins and fun oozes from their pores. This is the person you want to be stuck on a desert island with.
And the big one
The Gregor De Gruyther trophy for Excellence.
For the person who kicked ass all year. Someone who has spearheaded making our industry a better place for all and would not look out of place standing shoulder to shoulder with the great man whose name sake this trophy belongs to.